a question to God

is it destiny

that we're here

or is it free will

that we feel?

is it that

our life's a plot

no need to plan

'cause everything's at hand

if we made our path

does God knows what

or He just watch

and let us do math

if our life's a destiny

i'm made to worry

even if i do good

if being good wasn't for me

if i am free

does God see

decisions made by me

and just let it be

if all is destiny

wouldn't it be unfair

those lives in tragedy

and in such despair

if God knows all

He would know when we fall

and what our life would be

and i think all is destiny

trapped

i’m taking a big leap
i’m going somewhere deep
i’m losing all sleep
i’m climbing so steep

don't know where to go
if i should take things slow
if i should go low
i just don't know

now things are new
now my options are few
now with a different view
a little anxious too

as if somebody is watching
somebody is there waiting
and always listening
just a thought just a feeling

always a thought
an answer sought
a feeling i've fought
i feel i'm caught

now that i'm near
and everything is clear
there' one thing i fear
i might not get out of here

dismaya

AKO'Y MALUNGKOT

katahimika'y bumabalot

PAG-IISA'Y NADUDULOT

sa sarili'y napopoot

AKO'Y NAG-IISIP

sa mga bagay naiinip

BUKAS AY SINISILIP

hindi tuloy maidlip

AKO'Y TULALA

tumitingin sa wala

NAGHIHINTAY NG HIMALA

humihiling sa mga tala

AKO'Y NADISMAYA

sa mga pangyayaring 'di masaya

SA MGA ORAS NA NAAKSAYA

sa mga bagay na 'di magkasya

AKO'Y NANGANGARAP

sarili'y hinahanap

LAHAT NAIS MALASAP

sa malayong hinaharap

AKO'Y NALILITO

sa mundo'y nahihilo

SA SARILI'Y NAGUGULO

gusto ko ng umalis dito

when it's over

and it's over...
like any other love story...
comes an ending...
but mine is not a happy ending...
i saw this coming...
like the sun rising tomorrow..
just enjoyed it while it lasted...
the thought of falling madly in love...
made me smile...
made me confirmed...
that all is capable of that feeling...
and it sucks- big time!!
kidding...
yes it hurts...
but sooner or later...
i might be struck once again...
but this time things will be different...
different in the sense that...
i guess i'll be using more of my head...
and less of the heart...
you don't give 100% immediately...
you think back and learn...
hang ups are still there...
and would remain part of me...
and you might be saying...
that it must be bitterness talking...
and i won't dispute that...
just saying what i feel...
still open for what might come...
not closing my options...
to what ever possibility that might arise...
but for now this chapter is over...

poot

bakit hindi ako makasigaw
walang tunog na umaalingawngaw
walang salitang namumutawi
walang mabigkas aking labi

bakit hindi ako makiyak
walang luhang pumapatak
walang kasiyahang nadarama
kung hindi poot at pag-iisa

bakit hindi ako makalaban
walang lakas aking katawan
marahil wala akong karapatan
marahil wala ako sa katayuan

bakit wala kong makita
kahit anung dilat ng aking mata
kahit anung pilit aking gawin
madilim pa din ang aking tanawin

bakit wala akong maramdaman
hindi na ako masaktan
sa mga salitang matatalas
walang damadaming namamalas

bakit wala akong madinig
ni isang salita, galaw lang ng iyong bibig
marahil ako ay nagsawa
sa ingay na iyong gawa

november 3 2000

playing cupid....

here i am, after being consoled for my own petty love ache,
never thought could play mr. match maker...
for two people who had their own share of heart problems...
two people who has the slightest idea that one exist...
and two people who helped me out during those time...
now it's payback time.
one of the basic need i guess a person seeks
is the feeling of being needed and being loved,
well let's give it to them..
i just hope there's a spark or they'll click...
then it would really be fun...
hmmmm LET's have A DOUBLE DATE!! ..
be waiting for the development...
at least now there are two less lonely people in the world...huh!
beat that.

to dream

when my dreams slips away
there's not much i can say
just hope and pray
that i may dream another day

when my dream passes through
underneath my eyes it is true
for i dream mot often
very seldom very few

when i dream it 's forever
to me to remember
even though its over
to forget will i never

when dreams break
it's time to be awake
to move on for my sake
and never commit the same mistake

when i dream i'll dream harder
not short but farther
not shallow but deeper
i'll dream now not later

i'll dream beyond sanity
against the crude reality
that dreaming is not silly
and when i dream..i'll dream freely

-march 2003

did i really have you?

the day never ceased
without me thinking of you
no moment have passed
that reminds me of you
it became a hobby
wondering what you do
what you do became a part of me too
your day became my day

you're a new excuse for me to live
you're a new reason to wake up
you're a light at the end of the tunnel
you have brighten my weary life
you have became an obession
but never treated you as a possession

a glimpse from you is worth a thousand tickle
a kiss from you is worth a week of sleep
to be with you is worth living
take away all of that and you just left me breathing

but it never really crossed my mind
that someone like you i'll find
you might be a dream come true
the question is, did i really have you?

monster

i tried to run from it, deprived it with attention
i tried to avoid it and took it for granted
i tried to hide from it and wish it was a dream
but i can no longer run from it.

i have to face the monster that disturbed my sleep
the ghost that keeps hunting me
the worry that has burden my thoughts
and to finally confront the issue that bothered me

i'm back...

so here i am again...miss my therapy....

when you thought everything is going fine...boom!!

another bad thing messes your darn life..not that it is perfect or near to it..

but when you think you'll be doing fine,

ur clueless that something larks in the dark waiting.

i've been through a tremendous bumps on my own road...

but i'm left with only two choices...to stop or just move on.

well life are full of those stupid surprises,

and i guess it is how you handle those surprises that would make a difference...

well still standing tall,

chanting my favorite tantra..

always looking at the brighter side...

well i'm off to continue my so called life..

no directions yet just walking, waiting and wondering what lies beyond my road.